No One Is Chasing You

On slowing down and having fun

I’ve always over-identified with the song “Non- Stop” from Hamilton. The lyrics go:

“Why do you write like you’re running out of time? Write day and night like you’re running out of time? Every day you fight, like you’re running out of time.”

I just have so many ideas running through my head, and I want to get them all down on paper as fast as possible. I want to hold a completed manuscript in my hands. I want to get it into the world for people to actually read.

I am six chapters away from the end of my WIP, and I was having a conversation with my friend Marina (follow her Substack and thank me later), lamenting how I want to finish it as soon as possible, but with my current pace it might be 2-3 more weeks. She told me that was okay, that “no one is chasing you.”

I need that tattooed on my forehead.

Because that is exactly how I live my life, like someone is chasing me, and I need to hurry up and get out of the way before I’m run over.

And it isn’t just with writing, it’s with everything! A few weeks ago, I caught myself vacuuming my couch with such speed and vigor, my arm and back were aching and I was sweating. My mind was so focused on my next task, the things I felt I “should” be doing, I was subconsciously rushing myself. In that moment, I paused and took a breath before continuing at a much more normal speed.

Spoiler alert: It didn’t take me any longer to vacuum the damn couch.

While this is one small example, I do this to myself almost constantly. I try to complete every task as quickly as possible. Why? Great question! There’s no reason I should be turning myself into a tiny ball of stress on my quest to rush through my life, so my mantra for this year is to slow down.

Everything will get done. It’s fine. Basically, I need to chill the f*** out before I burn out.

Along with slowing down, I want to take time to allow more fun into my life. Little moments of play or silliness or decadence. If not now, when?

So, what now?

There are a few things I’ve been doing to implement fun and living more slowly into my life, and so far, I feel like I’m on the right track.

Poem from Devotions by Mary Oliver

1. The first is to read more poetry, something that’s just for my enjoyment.

I’m starting with Devotions by Mary Oliver. Every day, I read a few poems, and I am getting so much out of it. It’s inspiring and something I feel has become crucial for both personal and professional growth.

“Don’t Hesitate” really resonated with me the other day. It highlights the point that, despite all the bad we see going on in the world and in our own lives, it’s crucial to hold onto joy, wherever we find it.

Honestly, this is one of the reasons I write rom-coms, because “very likely you notice it [joy] in the instant love begins”. Writing about love, of all forms, is my way of spreading joy. It’s my way of fighting back.

I’m excited to keep reading the collection, and if you have any poetry recommendations, please let me know!

My new Louise Carmen Roadbook notebook in chestnut leather

2. The second is to go more analog.

As a treat for my 35th birthday a few weeks ago, I purchased myself a Louise Carmen notebook. Louise Carmen is a French brand of custom leather notebooks. I spent weeks going over my choices, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

I got the Roadbook, which can hold up to six notebooks. This is perfect for me because it allows me to keep all my story notebooks together and has me reaching for my Notes app less.

Things I want to get:

• Clocks for my house and a watch for myself. One less thing to check on my phone seems like a great idea.

• Crossword or Sudoku books to keep near my desk or couch. Sometimes I want a brain break that has nothing to do with reading or writing, and it would be nice to move these things off my phone.

3. The third is getting ready for the day (lol).

I work from home and most days can be found looking like a gremlin that crawled out of the attic (is that dramatic? Yes. Is it how I sometimes feel when I catch my reflection lumbering past the full length mirror by my stairs? Yes.).

But vanity aside, I realized that I didn’t feel great about my current routine. I think a large part of it is the rushing thing— why should I put time into my appearance when no one is going to see me? But that’s not being very nice to myself, is it? So, I decided to try a few small shifts:

• First thing, doing my skincare and putting on a little bit of makeup before I can talk myself out of - ha. Now listen, I’m not doing a full beat for my dog Betty’s benefit. That’s not my journey. But a little bit of tinted moisturizer and blush helps me feel more put together and productive.

• Get “dressed”. I am not putting on jeans to sit in my home office all day, because frankly, kill me now. However, wearing sweats and baggy sweatshirts every day wasn’t making me feel like my best self, you know? Does this mean I am not going to wear sweats anymore? Of course not. You can pry my sweatshirt collection from my cold, dead hands. But it means I want to start dressing in a way that makes me feel comfortable but also put together during the day, IE: A matching set, like this one from Lake I have on today, and then I can keep my cozy sweats for rest hours (I’m also hoping this will help me feel more of a distinction between work and rest time).

4. The fourth is saying bye-bye to writing goals.

Now, I obviously have writing goals, but what I am no longer doing to myself is setting an arbitrary deadline and breaking my neck and beating myself up to reach it.

At the end of last year, I set a goal to finish my WIP by the end of January or middle of February, but with the holidays and everything going on, I didn’t think it would be possible. So you know what I did? I threw out the deadline and enjoyed my holiday spending time with family and reading a lot of books.

And guess what? I am going to hit that deadline, anyway. And that’s without keeping a boot pressed to my throat the entire time, adding stress and killing my enjoyment of the process. (I think there might be a theme here— stressing myself out and rushing doesn’t actually make me get anything done faster than I would by being kind to myself. Who’d have thought?!)

The time will come for deadlines, etc, but that time is not now, so I’m going to let myself enjoy it. (Also, growth is not linear, as evidenced by the beginning of this post when I was complaining to Marina about wanting to write faster. I’M TRYING, OKAY?!)

That’s where I’ve gotten in the first month of the year (that truly has felt like seven), but I look forward to continuing to find more opportunities for fun and slowness this year.

Recent Reads:

I want to leave you with a couple of book recommendations and one I am looking forward to reading!

• The Favorites by Layne Fargo: This book was WILD. I read it in about day because I could not put it down. This is one I will think about often, and I see it being on a lot of people’s favorite book lists this year, mine included. (Incidentally, I can’t wait for the next winter Olympics, so I can create fan fiction in my head for all the pairs skaters with chemistry.)

• With Love, From Cold World by Alicia Thompson: I am late to the party here, and I have had many people whose opinions I value tell me to read this. Well, they were right. I loved it. It is such a sweet story (protect Asa at all costs!) and another one I will be thinking about for a long time!

Coming Soon:

• Yin Yang Love Song by Lauren Kung Jessen: I haven’t read this yet, but it comes out 1/28 (that’s today!! Go get it!!), and I am so excited for my copy to arrive! It sounds right up my alley.

What are you reading and loving?! I want to know!

That’s all from me for now. Thanks for reading and sharing!